Anxiety Building Up..

Hello there!

To be honest, this past week has hit me like a ton of bricks even if the virus has been ongoing for weeks. I feel myself slowly removing myself from social media because of how hyper-present the virus is in life, which is ironic since I am posting this on InStAgRaM.

Idk if others can relate, but some parts of my life have paused while others seem to continue. As someone that struggles with anxiety, this constant push and pull these days is soooooo freaaaaaaaaaaking hard even with all the self-care and therapy in the world. Don’t worry, I am making time for it. But, I am also not making time for it sometimes because I just need to f’ing cry, okay.

This past week, a lot of stuff has happened. Loved ones have passed away and I’m worried about my family members’ health. Sometimes I feel that when one person passes, it feels like somehow more are taken all at once. I feel a heavy heart. I want to be positive and push forward while also trying to make sense of an unsensable situation!

I know deep down, that we will all find peace. We will look back at such a sobering time and think about the tiniest things that make us happy, even right now. I really want to be there, already. I want to hug my friends and see fellow graduates of 2020. I want to be able to clean the tears off of my friends’ and families’ faces. I want to just cry openly and stand up for inequalities that exist. I want to appreciate life more and not take things for granted.

I feel like my soul got kicked so hard with this graduating as first-gen thing but not being able to see it visually. I know Public Health is doing their best though soooo…. I GET IT okay. JUST LET ME RANT. AND ALSO I AM A PUBLIC HEALTH MAJOR SO DON’T GIVE ME SOME CRAP ABOUT EPIDEMIOLOGY AND DISEASE RATES.. I KNOW LOL.

Now on a more happy note… I feel blessed that I even get to graduate, periodt. Did I even say that right? I sound so freaking old. I am happy that my momma’s surgery is on its way even with all the fear and anxiety that brings with it. I am so f’ing proud of being able to be SO CLOSE to that graduation finish line, which took 4 years to do so. I plan to dedicate something special to graduation so I won’t finish this here.

Life is hard, BLEH. I just wanna sit on the couch with people from 1 foot away rather than watch TV and sit 6 feet away with a mask. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, I am happy that even among all this chaos, I still get to talk to all of you :) At least this ain’t the bubonic plague. That shit, literally, led to the song Ring around the Rosie and idk if we are going to make a song.. More like Tik Toks?

Anyways, I hope this wasn’t too hard to read. If you have any ideas of what I can write about next, let me know! :)

We shall get through this people,

Taty

#anxious thoughts #quaranthings #findhappiness